


Your Heart Beats Louder than the Voices in my Head

by Dramaticfiction



Category: Carmilla (Web Series), Carmilla - All Media Types, Carmilla - Fandom
Genre: F/F, Hollstein - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-10
Updated: 2015-07-01
Packaged: 2018-04-03 18:21:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4110565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dramaticfiction/pseuds/Dramaticfiction
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When voices are haunting everyone's mind, and people are left questioning their humanity, who's arms will open in a time of need?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. So Your Roommate is a Vampire...

**Author's Note:**

> Pairings: Hollstein and Laferry in later chapters
> 
> Co-author is hellofuckyougoodbye on Tumblr
> 
> (mine is lezzgettotheharto)

So, your roommate is a vampire.

 

God, I should make that into a book. I bet that shit would be a New York Time’s Best Seller for sure. Although, I’m not so sure how I’d write about my “almost being a virgin sacrifice in my freshman year of college” experience... Lovely times.

 

\---

 

It’d been a couple weeks since I told Carmilla to “go run and hide”. I hated myself for saying that to her. My words, drawn in the heat of the moment, drove away the one person that made any sense to me. For once in my life, even with my extremely overprotective father, I felt safe. But now, because of my overwhelming stupidity and intense lack of a verbal filter, that safety was gone with the wind. Of course I just had to be all dramatic and shun her. Idiot.

 

I felt so bad as I re-watched that one “episode” and all I could do was focus on Carmilla. Her face looked so broken. In a more intense way than I had ever before experienced, it dawned on me that I did that to her, and I hated myself more every second as I continued to watch the video playing before me. I felt the tears bombard my fragile eyes. Soon enough, my intense emotion completely consumed me and I was left blind with my own sadness. This feeling killed me more than my words could have ever killed her.

 

In another fit of tears, I pushed myself away from the desk with ferocious force. Still crying, I started to breathe heavier and heavier. My chest, heaving as if the force of a freight train had been dropped on it, convulsed, and it was all I could do to keep myself up and not collapse on the floor. Just then, the agonizing severity of my emotions became apparent to me. My hands and arms pushed everything off my desk with passion onto the floor. The lights that hung on the wall fell with my aggressive attack. My throat cried out in torment with the most ear shattering pitch I could muster. Most simply put, I screamed as I tore my room apart. I yelled out even louder as I ripped apart the shitty excuse of a “plan” that Danny and I had written out on the easel. But yet, as quickly as I had started my tornado of terror, I stopped. I fell to my knees and ran my shaking fingers through my hair, as if just a simple act as this would calm me down.

 

“Laura…”

 

I looked up, feeling my sadness and rage pool out of my eyes onto everything and everyone I saw. I turned harshly in the direction at the sound of my name. Perry. She rose tentatively from the corner where she had crouched in self protection when my fit of rage consumed the area. She cautiously advanced to where I was, stepping over the many papers and empty cookie trays sprawled across the floor. Her hand was brought to my shoulder but I quickly flinched away. My breath was still heaving as my chest continued to convulse. I never looked at her.

 

“Go away Perry.” I snarled in a low but demanding tone. She didn’t move. She didn’t move and that made me inconceivably angry.

 

“FOR THE LOVE OF SILAS, FUCKING GO AWAY!”

 

This time I did not hesitate to conceal my rage, but my sobbing dampened my ability to adequately scream. The way she rose from her seat on the floor, however, made it clear to me that she understood the message I was trying to convey. She walked quietly to the exit of  my dorm room, solemnly look behind her back to see once more my tear stained face, and left closing the door.

 

As she left, I stayed. I sat in the room where everything had happened. In the room where I had met Carmilla. In the room where I had made her leave. The pain in my stomach from the sadness I was feeling was real. This was real. All of it. But in the realness of the moment, I couldn’t seem to bring myself to accept that any of it was. This wasn’t happening. This couldn’t be happening. But it was. I made Carmilla leave, but now, in my moment of weakness, I needed Carmilla back.

 

I relaxed against my bed and looked with an intent blankness into a thick, black, void. My mind was blank. My eyes were heavy and my body was limp. Nothing. I was nothing without her. Sleep captured me in its familiar embrace as I remained lying on the floor that night. I had no energy to brave the venture to my bed. My compulsive acts in a time of distress had left me feeling completely worthless in one of the biggest mistakes I had ever made.

 

I fell asleep to a nightmare that I would never wake up from.

 

 


	2. Ok, What the Hell?

I awoke to the sound of what seemed to be crashing cherry bombs on steroids thrown by none other than the ever trusty Zetas. Rising from the floor, I brought my hand to my face to find a midterm stuck to my cheek. Oh how  sexy is my drooling? I tiredly tore the paper away, and sluggishly arose to clean myself to the best of my exhausted ability. Standing in the shower, I let the water cascade from my shoulders down my body. No movement was required to erase to tear stains on my face, but part of me wanted to try to scrub away all the guilt and heartache the tears evidenced. But even with as much pain as I had caused myself to endure, I wanted all these forming memories of pain and regret to stay embedded within me forever; a constant reminder of what I’ve lost. I could never again allow myself to love so fiercely as I had. These feelings for Carmilla were paramount to anything I’d ever before felt, and it was clear to me that they would remain that way for forever. I would never be able to love someone as much I loved her. It was impossible, for so many reasons.

 

After getting out of the shower, I forced myself into a loose tank top and some comfortable

sweatpants. Even simple acts that had previously been performed mindlessly now seemed impossible in the absence of my favorite company. Settling myself under a pile of blankets on her bed, left me with at least a shred of comfort in being wrapped in her scent. I missed her so Goddamn much. Clinging to the last remnants of proof of her existence, I found my myself quietly being brought to tears. Not a wailing disaster– I no longer had the energy to do such, but rather a solemn and heartfelt release of emotion.

 

A soft knock on the door brought me from my quiet sobs. I didn’t even bother to look up, what was the point?

 

“Laura? Sweetheart?”

 

I glared at the door, annoyed by the intrusion of my silence. With a sigh and an eye roll, I sat up.

 

“What do you want, Perry?” I spoke with little care or commitment to my words. The sound I made was quiet, and my emotion could only be read as blankness: the worst phase of heartbreak. She entered into my room with obvious caution, which I assumed was because of the conclusion of our last encounter.

 

She looked down at me sitting on the bed as she pulled up the desk chair. Avoiding my gaze, she took my hand in the comforting way the mothers tend to do. It always had made me uncomfortable and anxious when people grabbed my hands in such a manner. Today was no exception.

 

“Laura. I have something that I desperately need to tell you.” I braced for the worst. “I would have told you sooner, but you just seemed so fragile after you had asked Carmilla to leave, so I waited until I felt it was the right time.” She clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth in her signature Perry-like way. Her mouth opened as she intended to continue speaking, but I did not give her the chance.

 

“Perry, just say it. Get it over with.”

 

“Well, there was this big battle down under the Lusitg. Everything was going spectacularly well. We all thought you should have been there, actually, but you didn’t seem ready to leave your room yet, and all, so we just let you be. Any hoo, the battle was going and to everyone’s surprise we were winning and beating the weird light God and the dean–”

 

“Perry.”

 

“–and then something happened.”

 

“Well what happened?!” I felt like I screamed the words in her face, but she didn’t flinch.

 

“It’s.. well… It’s um.. Carmilla.”

 

“What about Carmilla?”

 

“I didn’t actually see it happen, so I don’t really know the details, not that I think you’d want them anyway–” I felt my throat closely quickly taking any ability I had to breath steadily with it. My lungs felt full and my cheeks were heavy, as my eyes and hands tensed in anticipation for what she was going to say. I didn’t think I actually wanted to hear it, but, like watching a car accident, I couldn’t bring myself to make her stop.

 

“Perr-ry” I stuttered out.

 

“She died.”

 

\----

 

I would try to tell you a comparison of what it feels like the moment after someone tells you a loved one has died to make the feeling more relatable, but there isn’t anything to compare it to. The moment after someone tells you a loved one has died is only similar to the moment after someone tells you a loved one has died, and if you’ve ever experienced it, you’ll understand exactly what I am saying. There’s nothing similar. If there were it wouldn’t be so hard. You wouldn’t be so unprepared.

 

But I guess if I had to try to explain it, I would tell you that it’s quiet. It’s all so quiet. You close your eyes and take the words in through your ears and chew on them for the longest second of your life. It’s hard to believe that the words you just heard spoken weren’t in fact just a figment of your imagination, playing tricks on you to remind you’re alive. You’d give anything to have that be the reality… but… it’s not. The reality is the one thing that doesn’t seem real. You don’t believe that they’re gone. You don’t want to. But you know you have to so you force yourself to take in it but it’s the worst the thing you’ve ever experienced.

 

Your thoughts stop, and it feels as if your heart does too. You look blankly at the person sitting before you, and in that moment it’s hard to believe that they just said something to you. Actually, it’s hard to believe that they’re even there at all. Usually when I hear the word “surreal”, I think of something so amazing that you can’t believe it’s happening, but hearing that she had died gave “surreal” a whole new meaning. I felt disconnected. I felt lost. I felt empty.

 

I felt like there was a hole in my heart that would never be filled, and not in the cliché way that you read in a Nicholas Sparks novel. A hole in your heart doesn’t feel like tissues and sad movies. It’s not like dark lighting and Ben and Jerry’s Cherry Garcia icecream. Having a hole in your heart feels heavy and it feels real. It hurts at the base of your ribcage, and in the bottom of your throat from your voicebox to where your windpipe meets your lungs. You can’t breathe and you can’t cry but at the same time you can’t stop crying and you’re hyperventilating. Your limbs don’t seem to work and you can’t move because everything is getting bigger as you shrink into nothingness and get lost in your own pain.

 

It felt like heartbreak, but worse. Like depression, but more concentrated. Like getting punched in the gut, but without any justifying force. Take any bad feeling you’ve ever felt, and put it into one moment. That’s how it felt, and I guess, that’s what it’s like.

 

\----

 

I stared at Perry taking her words in.

 

“Can.. can you go?” I said as loudly as I possibly could, but she had to lean in to hear what I had said.

 

“Of course, dear.” She stood up probably expecting me to say goodbye, or at least look at her. In all of Perry’s perfect motherly instincts, my pain was the one thing she didn’t seem to get. I physically could not look at her because my eyelids were too heavy to raise and the silent tears beginning to fall from my eyes felt like glue. She probably expected something… God knows what… but I didn’t give it to her.

 

As she exited the room I slowly collapsed back onto Carmilla’s bed cradling the yellow pillow where her head had once laid. The same pillow she had taken so many times before. If someone hadn’t just told me she had died, I probably would have chuckled.

 

“What the fuck did you do to me?”

 

_Same thing you did to me…_

\--------------------------------------------

 

 


	3. Trick of the Mind

My head shot up. Confusion and fear filled my brain as I uttered the words “no, not now”. It hadn’t even been a full hour since Perry told me about Carmila. Even I couldn’t be going crazy this soon. Voices? No. That’s just too much. The only explanation I could find was that there was someone in my room playing tricks me. I glanced around the room looking for something, anything, to explain, but found nothing. The only thing that I could find of moderate intrigue was the camera that I then realized had been on since I heard the news about Carmilla. Always capturing the most amazing footage, I was.

 

_My sweet girl._

 

That time, as the voice echoed in my skull, I knew there was something. If I was going insane, my brain was doing a damn good job at convincing me of that this was reality, because god it sounded just like her.

 

I threw the blankets off of myself violently as I jumped out of bed looking around for anything remotely out of the ordinary; but, much to my dismay, I found absolutely nothing. My eyes settled on the batwing charm on the desk. For the first time in a very long two weeks, I smiled.

 

_I knew that bracelet would come in handy._

With widened eyes I gasped loudly at the direct response of the voice– Carmilla’s voice– to my thought. Tears fell from my eyes once more, but, much like my smile, they weren’t of dismay as all of the rest of my recent tears had been. It crossed my mind that I was probably hallucinating from lack of food and water, but I felt more alive in that moment than I did in the last 48 hours.

 

“Oh my God! Wait, what the hell is going on?”

 

_Cupcake, I’m alive. Big shocker, I know, but I can tell you that much. Perks of being a vampire, ya know._

“If you’re not dead, then get your ass back here. I’m starting to get a complex from talking to air. Can you just… like poof yourself back here or something weird and vampire-y?”

 

_Well, you see, I’m kind of in a bit of a quandary. After the whole battle, I didn’t die, well die more and just completely stop existing. I just got a tad stuck somewhere. I’m believe I’m still beneath the Lustig. Oh, and my leg is pinned, so…_

“Let me get this straight, you used your super cool vampire-y powers just to tell me that you’re stuck? Don’t you have super strength or can’t you poof outta there?”

 

_Well, considering the previous events and amazing lack of… nutrients... I don’t have the exact strength and power to get myself out of this disgustingly damp version of hell. If I did, I wouldn’t be having a telepathic conversation with you._

“I’ll be there in a mo!” My mood was still carrying the remains of a somber afternoon as I said this, but the thought of again seeing Carmilla provided me with the energy I needed to act even human.

 

_Ok, awesome. And… oh god... I hate to say this, but… ugh I’m desperate. Cupcake, would you be a dear and grab your obnoxious ginger squad and hurry down here. I’m simply exhausted and I’m losing a lot of blood, which, for a vampire, really does suck._

“Okay!” My entire body perked up as I mentally prepared for the oncoming adventure.”We’re coming! And Carmilla this is not the time for puns!”

 

\---

 

I don’t think I’d ever ran so fast in my life. I didn’t bother to change my disgusting, teary clothes, but thank God I remembered a jacket and shoes, because it was pouring cats and dogs outside. Typical.

 

After running for basically an eternity, I arrived at the Summer Society house and knocked as ferociously and as loudly as I possibly could until it swung open.

 

“My God, Laura! What the hell are you doing? You’re gonna knock a hole straight through the door!” I looked up at. Damn, she sure was tall.

 

“I don’t care, Danny! Carmilla is alive. I need t-”

 

“Laura, I don’t know if anyone told you but…” I didn’t even let her finish the sentence before I jumped on her words.

 

“Save it, Danny. I know. But can we please focus on the big picture here!? Carmilla is alive, in her... sort of… vampire… way. She stuck under the Lustig and she can’t get out and she needs our help so I’m going to go get Lafontaine and Perry but it would go so much faster if you come with me. But now I’m going because I need to go save Carmilla, with or without your help.”

 

Danny stood with her mouth open. My babble of urgency and anger displayed upon her face like I slapped it. I probably should’ve felt guilty, but seeing as how she was not my favorite person at that moment, I didn’t.

 

“Wow. Do you ever breathe? I’m sorry, Laura. I know this whole situation has been hard on you, but you didn’t see the battle under the Lustig. I hate to break it to you, but Carmilla is dead and gone forever. If you’re interested in some rescue mission for a person you’ll never find, that’s great, but I can’t watch you do this to yourself.”

 

“Carmilla’s not de–”

 

She closed the door in my face. The clicking of the lock felt like the equivalent of having someone pour salt on an open wound. But the feeling only lasted for a moment, as I quickly realize that I didn’t care if I had her help, or anyone’s help for that matter. Not at this point.

 

_Nice going, Hollis_

“How are you doing, Carm? I’m running towards Laf and Perry as we speak.”

 

_I’m ok. A little tired, but it’s all just peachy down here._

My heart sank. I know she was putting on a brave facade for me… or for her confidence. I couldn’t decide.

 

_You were brutal back there with Xena. I’m fairly impressed, cupcake._

“Well she didn’t believe me and she wasn’t listening to me. Sometimes you just have to put on your big girl pants and be aggressive.”

 

_You’re adorable… FUCK!_

 

“Carm!? What happened? Are you ok?”

 

_I tried to move but it didn’t go my way. I think I’m passing out. I’m really tired._

I broke into a sprint.

 

“Carm, stay awake, do you hear me? Stay awake. I cannot lose you twice, dammit!”

 

Nothing.

 

Radio silence.

 

 


	4. Not-So-Fragile, Little Laura Hollis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit is about to get real.

My breath heaved and my steps pounded as I ran faster than I ever before to reach help. Sooner than I realized, I had arrived at Perry and Lafontaine’s dorm.

 

“Guys! Open up.” I banged on the door. Hard. “This is important!”

 

All I could hear was clanking viles.

 

“Lafontaine, get your ass from your desk and put down your stupid science project for 5 minutes! I know you’re there!”

 

They finally opened the door.

 

“It’s not a stupid science project. We’re not in the 5th grade, Hollis. If you must know, it’s a new

discovery project about the parasitic nature of the Balanophora Coralliformis.”

 

“So I have no clue what that is but really I don’t care–”

 

“It’s a critically endangered parasitic corral tubular organism of the kingdom–”

 

“–if it’s a leg from an alien from Neptune, I still wouldn’t care. I need you and Perry to come with me, right now. Carmilla is alive and don’t even tell me she’s dead I already had that talk with Danny and I’m honestly so done with it and she’s trapped under the Lustig. She’s stuck and time is running out so we really need to go right now!”

 

Lafontaine froze.

 

“Laura…”

 

“No. Stop right there. Stop treating me like I’m some fragile little girl who’s 4. I’m 19 years old, I’m in college and right now, my vampire almost-g… my best friend is stuck and probably dying under a magical pit. Don’t fight me, Laf. I know this sounds crazy, but I know what I’m talk about, so just please help me!”

 

“O-ok. Let me get my coat. Perry isn’t here. You should call her.”

 

While they went inside for the jacket, I called Perry and explained as much as I possibly could. In the 2 minute phone call, I think I only breathed about three times. She tried adamantly to talk me out of my “suicide mission of insane abnormality”, but all I could say to that was a dire request to meet us at the Lustig, and then I abruptly hung up while she was mid-sentence.

 

Once Lafontaine came outside, we ran as fast as we could. To makes matters worse, it started hailing baseballs and there was wind that probably would measure as a hurricane on the Saffir-Simpson scale (shout out to LaFontaine for that lovely piece of knowledge). They had to call out to me at least 3 times to slow down. I made an effort to shorten my steps, but everytime I quickly returned to panic speed.

 

The sight that fell before my eyes when we arrived at pit was one I most assuredly not prepared to see. There was water pouring into the seemingly never ending hole from every side. Everywhere I looked, I either saw dark water being pelted with the falling ice, or a bottomless hole of black.  

 

“Oh, shit. Carm!”

 

_Well Hollis that sure was fast_.

 

“I’m have to get you out!” I was practically shouting. There probably should have some concern in my mind about the fact that Perry and Laf were standing right next to me as I was literally shouting to a person that they believed to be dead due to the fact that the place I told them that the person was was currently covered by at least 20 feet of water. It didn’t even cross my mind.

 

_Laura it’s useless, I’m too far down. Your lungs won’t be able to handle even the dive._

I completely ignored her this call of concern and started to take off my jacket and shoes, preparing myself for possible death. I stood at the lip of the pit and looked down. My stomach dropped when I noticed length between where I was and surface the water.

 

_God, it’s not worth it, Laura. Please don’t do this!_

“Perry, Laf. I love you guys.” The look I gave them was desperate and final. I was not willing to again have my final goodbye to someone be uncertain and possibly non-existent.

 

“Laura, this is crazy!” Did everyone think I didn’t know my own name? “You can’t do this. You’ll drown!” Perry shouted over the sounds of the hail and the falling water in the pit.

 

“Everyone keeps saying all these final things about what I can and cannot do. I could die. Do you not think I know that? But Carmilla is down there, smushed under a rock, losing blood, and probably dying. She may be a vampire, but we all need blood, and that is honestly enough to make the idea of potential death worth it. I already lost her once, and to hell and silas am I throwing an opportunity to her away again just because of a safety issue.”

 

They both looked at one another, probably understanding that there was no way they were going to change my mind, then looked at me and nodded.

 

I lowered myself into the pit, ricocheting between rocks, getting colder and more wet by each passing second. This had stupid written all over it.

 

Once I got to the surface of the rising water, I dipped my hand into the filling pool. My reflexes pulled my arm back sharply, causing a shudder to ripple through the rest of my body.

 

“Shit, that’s cold.”  
  


_I’m gonna tell you one last fucking time, Laura. Go back._

“The things I do for you.”

 

With that last thought, I plunged into the abyss, not knowing if that was going to be my last time on solid ground.

 

“Now, where are you?”

 

 


	5. This Counts As Saving Your Life

_I told you not to do this!_

 

“Honestly, have I listened to anyone ever?” I spoke the words in my mind, seeing as how I was underwater and had I opened my mouth I would have seriously regretted it.

 

_No, but isn’t that all the more reason to go back? It’s not worth it, sweetheart._

 

“I’m not leaving you.”

 

I kept swimming even though I felt my lungs and muscles slowly quitting on me. As I swam deeper, the water became heavier, and the pain of the cold water became more and more intense. When I was younger, I swam and got used to the cold. But now, the longer I stayed in the water, the pain of pins and needles only grew worse, and my lungs started to hurt as I ran out of air.

 

Just when I thought that I had to give up or sink, I saw her. She was just sitting there, not struggling, not really moving much at all, actually, with her leg caught under a boulder. She panicked when she saw me. I knew exactly the speech I was getting when we got back… if we got back.

 

“I told you I’d never leave you.”

 

_Damn it, Laura._

I swam as fast as I could down to where she was, and immediately tried to push the boulder off of her. My attempt failed, though, as my arms slipped and the rest of my body came close to giving up. Again I tried, but exhaustion and lack of oxygen were starting to overtake my ability to be productive underwater. I should have figured that if a vampire couldn’t lift the boulder, I probably wouldn’t be able to.

 

Carmilla kept telling me in my mind to leave her. It was endearing, it really was… I guess, but it was kind of hard to save someone’s life when they kept telling me not to. God damn her freaky vampire powers.

 

Once more, as I again tried to lift the boulder, I started to feel dizzy. There wasn’t enough oxygen in my body to continue to supply me with the ability and strength to lift boulders and save this beautiful blood-sucker. I was fainting. My body was giving up, slipping out of my control. I glanced at Carmilla for the possible last time.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

With all of the rest of the energy I had in me, I gave the rock one last shove, and it finally gave way, freeing Carmilla’s leg and it slowly fell deeper into the abyss. She was free. I did it. I did–

 

Blackness.

 

It felt like eternities had passed when I finally again opened my eyes. We were still underwater. Once this realization hit me, I quickly panicked. Arms and legs flailing, I tried to get my bearings, but I couldn’t figure out which way was up, let alone figure out how to calm myself down. Without warning, I felt shockingly soft hands at the sides of my face and lips against my own. As air rushed into my lungs, though, the only thought that appeared in my head was: “does it count as a first kiss if they’re performing CPR and probably saving your life?”

 

Dammit, Hollis.

 

I definitely heard a chuckle somewhere in her super condescending tone.

 

She looked at me and pointed upwards, signalling where we needed to go. I nodded in understanding, grabbed her hand, and we swam like hell. My eyes did not leave the approaching surface of the water, as I eagerly prepared for my body to no longer be surrounded by water. When my head did finally break the surface, I was so amazingly thankful to be able to freely breathe. The air felt heavenly as it rushed into my lungs. I treaded water for moment, taking it all in. I saved Carmilla. She wasn’t dead. I wasn’t dead. She saved me.

 

After my moment of wonder, I realized that I probably needed to get out of the freezing water before my simple human body (I was swimming next to a vampire, after all) fell into hypothermia. Carmilla tiredly pulled herself up onto the slimy rocks, offering me a hand to pull myself up with. The climb up the rocks was much easier for her. My shivering body could only clumsily pull myself up the mountainous wall, but her climb appeared to be shockingly graceful considering her previous state of being crushed under a giant boulder. I started to focus on my own climbing, as my body had started to shake uncontrollably and my fingers had gone completely numb from the cold. I looked up. Carmilla had fallen out of my sight.

 

“Carm?!”

 

“You are possibly the stupidest human being on this planet and maybe even the universe, and maybe even the universe next to us as well.”

 

My eyes follow the sound of the voice. There she was, just a couple steps above me, grasping onto the rocks as well. My momentary fear of again losing her resolved as I pushed through every pinching and aching pain to get to where she was. When we finally got to the same plane as each other in the top of the cavern, I hugged her as tightly as I possibly could. The air around us was biting cold, but wrapped in her arms, I’d never felt warmer.

 

“Is that the thanks I get for trying to save your life?” My sarcastic remark was laced with exhaustion, but with my familiar sassy snap nonetheless.

 

“Key word: trying, cupcake.” She stood slouched and tired as she made the remark, but there was something in her relaxed physique that made her appear to be the most amazing sight I had ever seen.  

 

I look into her eyes and saw the the light bouncing and playing off the specks of water on her impeccably flawless skin. Beautiful. She was absolutely, mindlessly, and thoroughly beautiful. Oh god. How did I get this lucky?

 

“Darling, you’re staring. How about we get out of this freezing hell hole, hmm?”

 

“As long as I can be with you.” I felt cheesy as I said it, but I really meant the words that were coming out of my mouth. Well, that and I really did want to get out of the pit. I couldn’t feel the left side of my face and I’m pretty sure my hair was growing icicles.

 

We held onto each other in support up the slippery cavern walls, occasionally sliding and falling into each other. Most of my stumbles weren’t on purpose. When we finally crawled out of the cold earth hole, we collapsed into the wet grass in front of Lafontaine and Perry, still standing in the relentless downpour.

 

“Oh thank God!” the two said in near unison.

 

Our attempts to get up off the ground were intercepted by Laf and Perry practically bear tackling us. After a few seconds of the embrace they loosened their grasp on us for just a second so we could actually breathe.

 

“Oh my God! You actually did it, Hollis! I am severely impressed with you. But you’re still a crazy son of a bitch!” Laf spoke as she tussled my already matted hair that was dripping wet. We all stood and started a small journey back to our dorm room, my terrible roommate hanging off my arm as we took our steps in peaceful unison.

 

As we all walked back, I went over all the events that happened. I had a mental breakdown, found out that Carm died, found out again that she really didn’t die, almost died in a crater to save her, saved her, almost died again, she saved me, CPR-kiss, and now we were caught up. I’m so fucking bad-ass.  

 

The view of our dorm room door brought me out of my thoughts.

 

“I never thought seeing an old wooden door would be so relieving.”

 

Perry and Laf hugged us once more before going off to continue their oddly interrupted days. I was extremely grateful they had come, even if they didn’t really help in the slightest. I got to prove to them that I wasn’t psychotic, and I guess that’s what counted.

 

I gently pushed Carmilla through the door and she sat down on my bed. I grabbed the carton of blood from the fridge, handed it to her and watched her very quickly down the entire thing, and then stood in front of her.

 

I started to talk quickly about something that probably wasn’t important and involved her being alive and me being happy and sacrifice and everything being wonderful, but she silenced my ramblings by throwing the carton down and standing up very quickly with meaning and confidence in front of me. She stood close to me, staring at my lips. Once she had stopped moving, I continued to talk, but much quieter than I before had been.

 

“I know that you’re probably going through a lot of stuff with you mom, it’s just that–” I paused. My words hung in the air, heavy and meaningful, but my words were not what either of us were focussing on. She was still staring my lips, and I at her eyes, my own filled with uncertainty. The moment took my breath away, as she brought her hands up to my head. We both closed our eyes and leaned into each other, our lips meeting in the middle and closing the gap between us, our bodies soon following. My arms came naturally up to her shoulders, our chests and curves pressing perfectly together like puzzle pieces. Back and forth our lips peacefully fought with gentle passion, before we separated and stared at each other with wide eyes.

 

“And I know that you didn’t do everything for me, but, I just–” I breathed in sharply with excitement as she smiled at me, preparing readily to quiet my busy mouth with her own agenda. She kissed me. I let out a quiet squeal, and then I kissed her, leaning far into her allowing us to be as close as we could in our standing position. We pulled back, but I couldn’t handle the division long before I wrapped my hand around the back of her head and kissed her hard. I kissed her.

 

I kissed her.

 

“Some day, huh?” I spoke nervously through the silence that followed our unimaginably spectacular moment.

 

“Yea, no kidding.” She smiled at me with the most beautiful brown eyes, and then dived onto her bed pulling me down with her, no care crossing our minds that we were both still soaked after the fun adventure in the cavern. We landed on her unmade cheetah print sheets and olive green blanket in a fit of cuddly giggles. She rolled us over so she was laying completely on top of me. She looked down on me with a look in her eyes that made me feel like I was the most important thing in the world. Her hand brushed my dark blond hair out of my face, and she tucked it behind my ears.

 

“It’s not everyday you get rescued by your adorable, stupid, brave girlfriend.”

 

I sat up a tad at the magical word. Girlfriend. I liked the sound of it.  She gave me a weird look.

 

“What?”

 

“You said girlfriend. You, Carmilla Karnstein, said the word ‘girlfriend’ towards me.”

 

“Yes, I did. Would you like me to call you something else? My sweet maiden fair? The wind beneath my immortal wings?”

 

I let out a small chuckle as I thought about what she had just called me. I was Carmilla Karnstein’s girlfriend. I wasn’t sure if the thought of that would ever fully sink in.

 

She leaned down and kissed me with more care and compassion than I ever thought could be conveyed with a simple meeting of our lips. It was like getting high without any drugs. It was euphoric. It was entrancing and exhilerating. It was intoxicating. It was perfect. She was perfect.

 

She pushed me down onto the mattress, running her hands down my torso, and kissed me hard. Her head pulled back from mine, and she leaned on her elbow above my face for a moment, letting me explore her features with my eyes, taking in every breathtaking subtlety she had to offer.

 

“I really like you, Carm.”

 

“I really like you, my lovely Laura Hollis.”

 

And with that she fell on back beside me, pulling me to lay with my head on her chest and her arm wrapped around me. We fell asleep still soaked but not caring. Nothing mattered as long as we were there together.   

 

_I wonder how long this will last..._

 

 


	6. Gotta Get A Damn Lock

“Thank you for saving my life, cupcake.”

Carm spoke soft and groggy as we slowly started to wake up from our little nap. So sexy, that voice of hers. It always seemed to be making me melt.

“All in a day’s work.”

I smiled and snuggled closer into her. As we layed there, I realized that we were both still pretty drenched, and dirty, so I betrayed my body’s wishes and rose from the comfort of Carmilla’s arms with the realization that it was probably a good idea to change. Or shower. Or both. Both was a good idea.

“Uhm, Carm?”

“Yea?”  
  


“We should probably cleaned up. I think my jacket is starting to grow mold.”

“Always with the good ideas, you are.”

“Ok, Yoda.”

“I’m just surprised that we’re still wet.”

I laughed in agreement. I started to make my way to the bathroom but looked back at Carmilla, now sitting up on the bed, starting to take off her coat.

“Aren’t you coming?”

I smiled a devilish smile, well as devilish as I could manage. She gave me a sweet look and shook her head.

“No, you go ahead. I’ll go after you.”

“You sure? It’s better to save water.” I winked.

“Laura, you and me in the shower will most definitely not save water.”

I shrugged and headed into the bathroom. Something was off with her.

After she and I had both showered and changed, we got into our own beds, but she still remained stuck in stony silence. This got my inner detective juices flowing.

“Carmilla?”

She looked up from her book with an eyebrow raised, questioning me and urging me to continue.

“What are we?”

With a confused look, she closed her book.

“You’re serious?” Her eyebrows both raised at the same time. I nodded. “Oh my god, you’re serious. Ok, so you almost died from saving me, then we got back to our room and basically made out, so I assumed, from watching all the cheesy save-the-world movies, that we are together. Ya know, save the world, get the girl. Then she very directly refers to you as your girlfriend and you both live happily ever. Am I wrong?” She looked a tad worried as she spoke the last sentence.

I stood up and crossed the room to sit on the edge of her bed.

“Hell no. I’m just making sure.”

Carmilla pulled me into her embrace.

“You’re mine, Hollis.”

A swell in my chest grew when she said those words. I just couldn’t take it anymore, and I guess maybe just because I could (I wanted to), I grabbed her by neck and pressed my lips to hers. Dammit, it may have just been the most amazing kiss I’d ever had. The greatest feeling of euphoria washed over me.

Oh shit, I’m screwed.

\---

Since neither of us had classes the next morning, we decided to sleep in. The only thing I loved more than putting myself in life threatening danger and cookies, was to sleep in, especially when a beautiful girl was sleeping right beside me.

After I woke up, I started to rise out of bed slowly when I found Carmilla’s arms around my waist restricting me and pulling me flush against her body. I smiled and turned around to face her. My God, she sure was beautiful. Her disheveled hair covered half of her face and her lips looked so irresistible that I couldn’t help myself but lean over and kiss her. She slowly started to wake up and open her eyes, just staring at me sweetly.

“Good morning.” I whispered.

“Morning, sunshine.”

She proceeded to lethargically sit herself up on her elbows. I traced the outline of her face with my pointer finger, my eyes wandered with my fingertips, memorizing her, drawing me in more and more to her beautiful brown eyes, like beautiful black holes.

Carmilla’s face(and lips) were steadily moving close; so close that I could feel her breath on my face. I smiled and pulled her in for a bruising kiss. Our lips crashed each other’s, and our bodies soon followed, pulling us closer together. I shoved her shoulder over, rolling me on top, and proceeded to move my lips down her neck, gently sucking first right below her jawline, then moving down. Down. Down. Her hands ran up my back as a breath was caught in her throat. Without any warning to me, she interrupted my kisses by flipping us over, and gently moving her hands under my shirt. As my hands moved down beneath her waistline to cup her ass, she looked at me for approval and ripped my shirt off, throwing it across the room. Her pants soon followed leaving us in a very heated, semi-unclothed mess. Hands started to wander to places where I had many time before dreamt and–

There was a knock at the door followed by two redheads barging into the room. I looked down at my rather average white bra with hearts on it that I had absentmindedly put on this morning. My eyes then trailed to Carmilla’s all lace, black underwear, and the bare legs beneath them. It would have been an understatement to say that my eyes simply widened at the sight of the two people standing in my doorway.

“I really have to get a lock on that damn door” I murmured under my breath so that only Carmilla could hear. I was absolutely mortified.

“Yo, ginger twins, kinda in the middle of something here, if you couldn’t tell!  Unless the world is ending again, please do everyone just one fucking favor and leave.” Carmilla practically yelled with a rather intense tinge of annoyance.

I pick my head up to look at them. The two had yet to move from their spots near the front, and I noticed that their faces were so very pale. Well, pale-r than their ginger blooded skin normally was.

“Guys, what’s going on?” I asked, sensing that something was seriously wrong.

“We, uhm,...well, you see when…” Perry stuttered in her very, very high pitched voice.

“Spit it out, you can do it. They’re words not trig problems.” I could tell that Carmilla was getting frustrated.

“Do you remember the room we fought the dean in and her freaky deaky minion people, Carmilla?” Lafontaine made an executive decision to take over asking the question, since Perry was having a tad bit of difficulty.

“Of course I do. Why?” I questioned.

“Get dressed. Now.”

 


	7. Well, That Was Unexpected...

Lafontaine took Perry’s hand and led them both out the dorm, shutting the door with impatience so we could make ourselves… decent. We got up and dressed in silence. I settled for Carmilla’s red and black flannel, blue jeans, and some average black converse. Carmilla chose to partake in this seemingly panicked endeavour with her classic leather pants, her boots and her moon phase shirt. While getting ready, I started to think of an insane amount of “What If’s?”. What if the dean isn’t somehow dead? What if somehow the battle only made whatever was down there stronger? What if they’re after me because I was being nosey, or Carmilla for standing up to them?

As I was standing in my dorm completely psyching myself out, I felt two strong arms around my waist.

“Are you alright, cupcake?”

“I will be. I’m just scared. You know me, jumping to conclusions.”

“What’s there to be afraid of? You risked your tiny ass to save my life. You’re almost as badass as I am. What could possibly go wrong now?”

“I’m not a badass. I’m just a stupid girl who doesn’t know how to listen, that’s all.”

“Well yes, you don’t know how to listen. But you’re not stupid and you are bad ass whitch is still very impressive, for a human.”

We chuckled, but it wasn’t long our idle conversation turned to silence. We were both trying to wrap our heads around the fact that I had saved her. It had happened, and we both very clearly remembered it, but it still somehow felt overwhelmingly surreal.

“But hey, we both survived, that’s all that matters.”

“Yea.”

Our moment was ruined by Laf pounding on the door, telling us to hurry the hell up. I swore, when all this apocalypse-and vampire doomsday crap was over, Carm and I were so going on a much need vacation.

“Guys, come on! You can have sex later, let’s go!”

I headed for the door, Carmilla stayed still in the middle of the room. Just as I reached the exist, she grabbed my wrist and pulled me back into her grasp for a kiss. The moment was desperate and innocent and chaste and urgent but honestly it was the one thing I needed to calm my quickly growing anxiety about the whole situation. It was becoming more and more apparent that I couldn’t imagine my life without her, and I didn’t even really want to try.

“Just in case.”

“No. No more goodbyes. Understand?” Even as I said it, though, I knew she was totally right, and I was grateful for her courage and desire to do the things I didn’t think I could.

She nodded and we walked for the door. Perry and Laf looked up and started to led us out of the dorm building and across campus. As we were walking, Carm snuck her hand into mine and gave it a sweet squeeze.

“I can tell that you’re tensing up, relax.” She wispered the sentiment into my ears, only reminding me how calming her presence was to me.

I nodded and squeezed back. I considered saying something in response, but I was stopped by a gently tug of my wrist. Carmilla had abruptly stopped me, for some reason, and she then stood looking up at the structure. We all stood at an entrance. A tunnel entrance.

“No. No fucking way.” the words fell out of my mouth before I even realized what I said, and I started to back up, letting go of Carmilla’s hand in the process.

“Laura?”

“I know what this is. I dreamed about it. This is the tunnel to the Lustig, isn’t it?”

Laf nodded.

Tears started down my face. The tangible reminder of the dreams brought me humbled down to the ground before everyone, as I was equal parts terrified and sad even thinking about those awful dreams. No they weren’t dreams. They were nightmares. Stupid, fucking, nightmares that I couldn’t seem to escape.

Damn, I certainly had no problem going from badass extraordinaire to extreme softie in .02 seconds. That had to be a new record. I felt Carmilla’s arms wrap around me and my head quickly dropped to her shoulder.

“Ya know, for someone who didn’t fight a vampire war, get trapped under an underwater cave, and have your human girlfriend try to save you, just as some other people in this company, you sure do a lot of crying.”

I managed to let out a small laugh, attempting to stand up in the process. I corrected my formerly broken posture, wiped the tears from my eyes, and faced the image from my nightmares.

“Let’s get this over with.” My confidence and sureness was fake and fabricated, but it was all I could even begin to pretend to convey at the moment.

Laf opened the door and we all followed their lead. I felt my stomach drop more and more as we went further down into the tunnel. We finally reached a battered room, water dripping from the walls. Everything still resembled a battlefield. The pillars were in shambles, deep indents marking the brutal slamming of various bodies, possibly even marking their deaths. I made my stomach twist and convulse to think that Carmilla’s body was probably one of the battered bodies that had crashed against the walls.

‘Ok, what the hell are we doing here again?” Carmilla spoke up.

Laf and Perry pointed to a door hidden away beyond a pile of rocks. Intrigued, Carmilla and I started for it, but stopped when we reached the entrance. I laid my hand on it and immediately retracted it, as if by reflex. It was like touching an iceberg in the middle of Antarctica leaving me feeling like if I like left my hand on it for too long would give me with frostbite.

“Why is it so cold?”

Carm shrugged. “Let’s find out.”

Before I could stop her, she had opened the steel door, and freezing washed out and nearly engulfed immediately. Thank god for Carmilla’s super strength because that shit needed to be closed, like, before it was opened.

“The fuck was that?!” She yelled in shock and anger.

She and I were completely drenched. I have no idea why, but I found our current state of shocked dripping-ness outstandly hilarious. I burst out into a thunderous laughter and all I got was a deadly glare from Carm.

“This is not funny, Hollis. Those two are dead to me.”

“More than they already are?”

I smiled, kissed her cheek and walked back to Laf and Perry. I could hear Carmilla muttering under her breath about Laf being a death-adventure hungry idiot and Perry, a supporter of this shit. It was cute. Albeit, a little annoying, but cute.

“We meant to tell you about that.”

“Oh really?” Carmilla dralled out. “Gee, thanks for the warming.”

“Sorry.” Laf spoke.

Carm gave them a dirty look. I’m proud of the restraint she’d shown to not thrown them across the room.

“What was that anyway?”

“That was another tunnel that leads to a pit that we didn’t even know existed. We found it while trying to find the others during the battle. Almost fell in, actually. It was just a dark pit, creepy and dark. Gross.”

“Was this all so important that I got all soaking wet, and also was hardcore cock blocked by you two dimwits.” Perry blushed. It didn’t even phase Laf.

“That tunnel, of course, wasn’t always flooded. I think that the same water that you were trapped in, Carmilla, filled it. So now we don’t know what was or is down there. After the battle, I thought it would all be over…”

“What are you talking about, Per?” I questioned.

“But then freaky shit started. Well, freaky-er.” Laf interjected.

“Later that night, Lafontaine and I came back after the battle because they swore they dropped their favorite sampling syringe down here. So we came back. And we…” Perry got really nervous and couldn’t speak about it so Lafontaine put their arm around her and took over.

“The thing is that when we came back, we heard noises. Faint noises, like if they were just behind you. And it was like they were keeping us here, like some sort of spell. It, whatever it was, completely took over our minds.”

“So? I bet it was just being in here right after you fought vampires. Key word vampires. I give it to you, the place is creepy and old, but that’s all it is.” Carmilla, for once, didn’t sound sarcastic, more logical.

“That’s not the worst part, Dracula.” Lafontaine spoke after a pause.

“Oh really, ginger snap?”

Carmilla and Laf started to get into a more heated discussion about the origin of the place, but it soon escalated into a full scale argument about whether the place was alive or just in their heads. I could tell that Perry was gets fidgeting and couldn’t possibly take it anymore.

“THEY TOLD ME LAFONTAINE TO KILL ME!”

 


	8. Normal Is Not In My Vocabulary

Carmilla and I both made a harsh look at Perry.

“What?!” We said in unison. My exclamation was one more of shock and questioning, while Carmilla’s rang out with a tinge of urgency and worry.

“They told me to kill her with that damn syringe. They kept telling me that she was no good and she was out to ‘get’ me, whatever that meant, and I had to kill her for my own good. It was like something took over me, and I just tackled her, trying to shove air into her neck. But as soon as I started, I stopped. I snapped out of it. I almost killed Perry. I wouldn’t have forgiven myself if I had.”

I grabbed Carmilla’s hand and stood there in utter shock.

“We are so screwed.”

\----

After we got over the initial shock of what Laf had told us, we continued to check out the pit, overlooking the absurd amount of blood stains. That place was so beyond creepy. I cringed at the thought of it all. Looking at it made me feel nauseous.

“You see me guzzle blood like water on a regular basis. Why is this bothering you so much?”

“It’s just the fact that it came out of a person in the way that it did. People were beaten for this. It wasn’t blood spilled for a purpose, it was just spilled blood that got left behind and went unnoticed. In here, it looks like freddy krueger got a little too happy and excited on a killing spree. In the room, I imagine a slurpee. Big difference.”

She let out a small chuckle and we continued to look around the pit, discovering nothing much more than blood as well as battle aftermath.

About an hour into looking around, I noticed yet another door hidden away behind a fallen pillar. The door was inconspicuous, like whomever had placed it there had wanted no one to notice it, no one to get dragged in. But oh god was it tempting to open. I slowly crept to it, and as I got closer, my head filled with indistinct whispers. It was as if the sounds were right behind me, but at the same time far away. All I knew was that they were utterly hypnotising. As the voices got clearer, I heard a familiar voice, my mother’s. She was telling me how happy she was and that I should join her, and that I would love it there with her. Join her where? The only thought I could comprehend was that maybe she was right behind the door. If I just opened it–

Just as I was about pull on the handle and fall into my mother’s grasp, I felt myself being thrown backwards. I turned around to see Carmilla dragging me into the middle of the cave, as far away from the door and all other edges of the room as she could get me. She didn’t let me go until we  were smack dead center and I wouldn’t be able to run from her.

“Laura!” I knew she was saying my name. I could see her saying it, but for some reason, for the life of me, I couldn’t register that she was talking to me and that I needed to respond.

“Hey, Laura! HELLO!” When I finally returned to mental consciousness, Carmilla’s hand was waving in front of my face and Perry was closely standing by. Carm helped me to my feet.

“You ok?”  
  


“Yea, I’m fine, but what was that?” I lied a tad. My head still felt a little fuzzy.

Carmilla contemplated what she was going to say next, as if she didn’t want to say. When she finally spoke, her words were hushed but thoughtful. “I’m taking a guess is to say those were the voices of Hauster. They are vile ‘things’ that feed on emotions, powerful ones. Fear, jealousy, sadness, anything they can get their hands on. They can make the most innocent and sweet people do unspeakable things, things only in hidden deep inside your darkest nightmares.”

“Like killing someone?” Perry interjected.

“Exactly.”

“So I didn’t really just hear my mother from beyond the grave?”

“Sorry, cupcake. Afraid not.” She put a hand on my shoulder, probably trying to comfort me. It worked a tad, but I guessed that just a hand wasn’t enough. I needed all of her. I needed to be held and loved and never let go, because my mother couldn’t do any of those things anymore. The whole door thing reminded me of that like a slap in the face.

With a blank expression, I spoke softly.

“We’re leaving. We’ve seen enough.” I wasn’t sure who said it, Carm or Perry. I don’t think I cared. Carmilla and Perry led me out into the main room, grabbing Laf in the process.

“Hey guys, did you-”

“Shut it, science spaz. Not now.” Carmilla snipped, pulling Laf closer. I definitely was not supposed to hear what she said next.

“Do not say another word about this to Laura. I don’t like the way it’s affecting her.”

\-----

When Carmilla and I made it safely back to the dorm, she silently made me some cocoa and we spent a good 15 minutes waiting for either one of us to say something. She moved next to me and put her arm around me. I knew it was for comfort, it felt nice, and for her to be level headed while I continued to have my mental breakdowns was helpful, too. I just hated how she always had to stick her neck out for me. Whether it was saving me from other vampires or helping me save the school that most people don’t even know existed. I felt like the only thing I could do was have meltdowns and get the people I cared about to handle my messes for me. I couldn’t handle it anymore. I fell asleep that night with more confusion than clarity.

Weeks went by and none of us dared to step foot into the pit. Even when Danny tried to sign us all up for clean up duty, courtesy of the ever helpful Summer Society. We all tried our best to lead normal college lives, except for me, shocker. There was still something bothering me. Maybe because I convinced myself that I was a wreck or that weird supernatural voice stuff really got into my head. There was no way I could’ve kept this from Carmilla, but I didn’t really know how to start the conversation. I didn’t know anything anymore.

“Ok, you’ve been fidgeting on your bed and reading the same page of that Journalism 101 book for 10 minutes. Something on your mind?” She asked mostly with care but also with a tinge of annoyance.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure thing, Cupcake.”

I took in a deep breath, sat up, and pushed my book aside.

“You know I love you and I would do stupid and dangerous things for you, if you asked.”

“I think I’m supposed to be talking about the stupid and dangerous things here, but sadly I know you will. Which, for the record, scares the living shit outta me.”

“Well this is more of a request than a question really...but I need you to do something stupid and dangerous for me. More stupid than dangerous but then again it could be dangerous…”

“Do I need to kill someone?”  
  


“What? No.”

“Damn. Take someone hostage? Torture?”

“What the hell?! You’re talking to me here.”

“I don’t know what goes on in that little head yours.”

“Not torture and hostages!”

“Then was is it?!”

“Turn me.”


	9. Bella Swan, My Ass!

“What?! Are you insane?! No way in hell I’m doing that to you.”

Carmilla yelled as she shot up from her bed so quickly it made my head spin. She started pacing around the room and I could tell that my request wasn’t sitting well with her. I finally got up and stopped her in her tracks.

“Look, I’ve been thinking about this more than I’d like to admit. And I doubt that you haven’t thought about it, so I might as well address the elephant in the room. I get sick everytime I think about how helpless and weak I am and thinking about the future and how I’ll keep getting older and older and you’ll stay the same. I know it’s just college, but I know I want you forever.”

“I really don’t think you do.”

“Carm...I know what I’m asking of you, it’s a lot, but I know what I’m doing.”

“Ok.”

“Seriously?” I looked at her in complete shock.

She scoffed. “No! Absolutely not! You are literally asking me to kill you! You are asking me to end your life because you feel weak. Maybe you shouldn’t have fallen Bella Swan style for a fucking vampire. This is not going to happen.”

When she finally finished talking I realized I was getting angry.

“You think I haven’t thought about this? I get anxiety just watching someone get a paper cut, just imagine how I’m feeling about dying!? But every single time something happens I’m the one that everyone has to sit down and protect. I’m just ‘Little Laura Hollis’ who is helpless and precious and adorable in your eyes, and I’m sick of it! I don’t want to be the princess in the tower who everyone has to come and save. I don’t want to have to hide behind my big bad vampire girlfriend just because you don’t think I’m smart enough or experienced enough or old enough or big enough or whatever! I want to be the heroine for once. I want to be the one who isn’t seen as fragile. And also, why are you so scared? Have you ever taken a minute to think about how all of this vampire crap affects me? You’re right, I did fall in love with a ‘fucking vampire’, but I also fell in love with everything that comes along with that, and I can’t just escape it now. One day, I’m going to die, no matter what, and what’s the point in prolonging the inevitable if I’m just going to grow old and be helpless my entire mortal life. You have me, the way I am, for a few years maybe, and then I’m going to start to getting older and you’re going to have no choice but to sit there and watch and regret the fact that you could have stopped it all way earlier. If you don’t want to do it because you’re scared, fine, but please know that in my eyes it’s one of the most selfish things you could possibly do.”

As I finished yelling at her, I noticed a tear starting to form in her eye. She brought a hand to wipe it away and slowly nodded.

“I still hate this idea, but if this is really what you want, I’ll do it.”

My mood quickly shifted and I wrapped my arms around her quickly. The embrace was one of love and gratitudy, and she must have sensed it, because she eventually hugged me back.

“So how do we do this?” I asked a little bit too enthusiastically.

“It’s not going to be the best feeling in the world, it’s going to hurt like a motherfucker. First you have to have vampire blood in your system. After that, well then comes the whole dying thing, then you’ll wake up in about a couple hours. The cravings will kick in, and so will everything else, heightened senses and whatnot. A single leaf dropping will sound like a nuclear bomb. All of that will go away in about 24 hours. So basically the first day is a bitch. Still sure about it?”

“Let’s do this.”

\----

Carmilla left to get blood for the initial cravings, and that left me to my own thoughts. I shifted in my seat, never could never get comfortable. I eventually gave up on that and started to pace back and forth and then all the questions came through. What if this was a mistake? Am I doing this just for Carmilla? I was so sure, what changed? What will my dad think? Oh my God! My dad. He is so gonna kill me.

Carmilla suddenly walked in to break me from my thoughts.

“You ok, Laura?”

“I-I’m great. Why Wouldn’t I be great? Ya know what? I’m not great, I’m fantastic, stupendous. Everything is so great.”

Real Smooth.

“You’re cute when you’re nervous. But if it makes you feel better, I will do my absolute best to make it as painless as possible.”

We locked eyes, I could see the concern and love in her eyes and it made my heart swell.

“Promise?”

“Scout’s Honor.”

I let out a sigh and sat heavily on my bed.

“I’m so nervous. How much will it hurt?”

“I’m literally sucking half of your body’s blood outta you.”

“So I’m gonna take that as your version of ‘yes, it hurts like a motherfucker’, yea?”

“Safe assumption. It’ll take about a couple minutes to drink it all, after that, it’ll be the longest nap of your life.”

“I like naps.”

She kissed my forehead and motioned for me to get up. She handed me a glass of blood. Vampire blood.

“Gross stuff now, vampire Laura later.”

I guzzled the harsh liquid down. The crimson drink burned my throat on its way down. She took the glass away and pushed my hair to one side. This was it.

“You ready, cupcake?”

I nodded.

Her lips on my neck felt intoxicating, then I felt it. Her sinking her fangs into my skin. Though I had felt it before, the sharpness of it all still took my breath away. Quite literally, actually. I made a tiny scream and slowly felt myself getting weaker and weaker. My grip on her arms became less enthusiastic and my eyes began to droop. Once she had finished what she needed to do, she brought her arms down from around me and laid me down on her bed. I knew it was working, everything I saw blurred and all the sounds just sounded like echos as my body slowly quit on me. The world felt numb, and the pain I was feeling soon melted into pleasure as I took my final human breaths.

“Sleep tight, sweetheart.”

I heard Carmilla whisper as my eyes closed and my mind fell deeper and deeper into the abyss.

 


End file.
